I have a two-year-old.
Be forewarned from the start that this is a whiny post and I just want to get this down in writing for posterity, because I forgot about my recent plan to take pictures (to be used in future for purposes of bribery) of the messes C. makes.
:::whining mode on:::
Not long ago, I decided just to grab the camera and snap digital pictures every time C. wreaked havoc in the house. During our recent kitchen renovations, we were fairly distracted, she was more unsupervised than usual, and in spite of the fact that there are FIVE PEOPLE in this house who can keep an eye on her, she managed, within the span of a few days, to...
...Get hold of a sharpie marker and scribble all over my very light desk and the light cloth cover of my desk chair. (Hairspray dissolves sharpie marker ink, if you ever need to know.) Two people, who shall remain nameless, were in the same room with her when this happened.
...Climb up to a cupboard, find the liquid food coloring, pry the lid off the bottle of green coloring, and re-do the nicely varnished parquet floor in the dining room. Okay, it is nice, but there are some scratches where the varnish is missing, and when green food coloring sinks into those scratches, it doesn't come off!
...Dip both her hands into an open can of wall paint that was sitting on the floor (thanks, Daddy!) and spatter paint all over the floor, the refrigerator, and a nice denim jumper I figured she'd be able to wear all through next winter!
...Get hold of yet another marker--brown, this time, and washable--and scribble all over the doorway to the dining room. (Why does she hate the dining room? She likes to eat!)
And these would be in addition to the usual, but manageable messes like toothpicks all over the floor and trashbags unrolled across the hallway.
I had so urgently to clean up these problems--especially the food coloring and the paint--that I forgot my recent plan to take pictures of her escapades. A few weeks ago, I was feeling a bit more laid back when she got into the fridge and fed herself a bowl of jello with her fingers, though. (Notice the OLD kitchen floor--ugly, dirty, sticky linoleum that is now gone forever!)
I doubt if this is obvious from this short note, but C. does not like toys! She wants to play with real things around the house. I would welcome suggestions for activities for a child like that! Donations of chocolate, coffee, and reciprocal toddler tales also gratefully accepted.
:::whining mode off:::